Hope Through Hope

Last night, we found out the winner of my school's annual Writer's Conference. The Writer' Conference is a day where we learn a new style of writing and then enter our own pieces. This year's conference was on memoirs. I am happy to say that I placed 2nd in 10th-11th grade! I am posting my entry here.

Hope Through Hope

The wind flew through the open window, cooling my flushed cheeks. Laughter escaped into the night, drowning out the other sounds of traffic. I sat in the backseat of Hope’s car, along with several others, heading to Dairy Queen. The radio blasted Taylor Swift. Our voices grew hoarse from singing at the top of our lungs. As I stopped to catch my breath, I looked around. These are my friends, I thought. These are the people I can be myself around. I thought back to the time in my life when it wasn’t like this.

A year earlier, I was attending our high school Fall Retreat. I smiled as I contemplated the events that changed me for the better. We had just arrived at our host home. I followed the other freshman girls and plopped my stuff down with theirs. I knew many of them, but had not spent much time with them outside of youth group. I was hoping this weekend might change that.

I sat on my sleeping bag, watching the other girls. They were all having so much fun, laughing so hard it didn’t seem like they stopped to breathe. I felt excluded, isolated. Like countless events before, I sat in the circle, but was never a part of the circle. These girls weren't perfect by any means. Actually, they were hostile vipers; gossiping and teasing others behind their backs. Yet, I still longed to win their friendship. After all, who else was there?

As I watched and listened, I heard another cluster of girls giggling from across the house. They were upperclassmen and I barely knew them. I hesitated, unsure if I should insert myself into their group. The most likely scenario ended with me being ignored or passed over. I have to try, I thought. I gathered up my courage and stood, wrapping my blanket around my shoulders as I made my way to the window seat. Why would a bunch of juniors and seniors invite a freshman to join them?

“Hey!” I heard a friendly voice. “Come sit over here.” A girl with long blonde hair beckoned to me and patted the ground next to her. The girl’s name was Hope. I was a little shocked. It surprised me that she would invite me, someone she barely knew, to sit with her. Nonetheless, I cautiously joined their circle.

“So,” Hope said in a welcoming way. “How’s it going?” Those few simple words put me at ease right away. That night ended on a happy note. We talked for hours, as if we had been friends for years; we laughed and stuffed ourselves full of junk food, trying a new delicious combination of Oreos smothered in Peanut Butter. When the night grew so late and our eyes felt like weights, I tiptoed back to my bed.

My heart sank as I noticed my stuff had been pushed aside to make room for a different girl. In a sudden second, a cold breeze blew through my body, chasing the comfort I had felt before. Reality slapped me hard in the face. The other girls had literally pushed me out. They were never going to let me into their group, I realized. I would always be on the outside looking in. But then I thought of Hope and of how kind she had been to me. I mustered up my courage...the worst she can say is no, I thought. I approached her slowly with my request.

“Hey...can I sleep with you guys over here?” I asked shyly.

“Of course!” Hope said as she began to make room.

Again, I felt a surge of warmth spread through me. She didn’t care that I was a freshman, or the pastor’s daughter, or the social pariah. She barely knew me, yet she still included me.

That night, as we were falling asleep, my mind retraced its steps through the previous months leading up to this climax. I had made countless attempts to find my place with those girls. I went to each event hoping that maybe this time I’d be noticed and asked to join in the group. But I left more dejected and more hurt than before. Yet I kept going back. I kept hurting myself over and over. I thought about the things my mom told me when I felt lonely.

“Those girls are a bad influence. There’s a reason they don’t include you. God knows what He’s doing; focus on the others He puts in your life.”

It had taken me until this moment to fully understand the wisdom within her words. Hope showed me what true kindness and friendship looked like. With one small word, Hope entered my life. I realized I had spent my energy in all the wrong places.

After that night, I began to focus on growing my relationship with the people in my life who I could trust and be myself around. I no longer had to worry about being judged or what people thought of me. Now, my goal is to be Hope to others. To watch for those around me who are on the outskirts, looking in. Not everyone gets to experience laughter with those who truly care about them. You never know what a simple “hello!” could mean for someone.

It is hard to include others, to step outside of your comfort zone and include a stranger into your midst. But in doing so, relationships will blossom and grow. By embracing and being kind to others, you stop them from being rejected and hurt. By doing this, you find your true friends.

As we pulled into the parking lot of DQ, I looked at my true friends. These are the people God put in my life. These are the people I’ll grow even closer to in the years to come, I hoped.