This is an entry I wrote for a letter writing competition. The prompt that inspired this piece focused more on writing letters to someone about a moment in time, preserving history in an envelope. I took it a different way, with no "real" correspondent. The direction this letter took me was different than originally planned, but I am pleased with the outcome. It isn't like the fiction I am used to writing but I hope I can sharpen my words to be more meaningful in pieces like this.
Written Through Tears
To my future child,
There is no certainty that this letter will ever be read. Most likely, these penciled scribbles will fade and the envelope will collect dust in a box. But I am still writing this to you, because this is a truth everyone my age needs to hear.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
At first, this saying is a blatant lie. Of course words hurt. Words, whether spoken or written, are powerful and can either build you up or tear you down. Perhaps this letter can offer you guidance that can help ease the pain that comes in these moments. I have found that my greatest comfort comes through prayer and knowing the truth. Here is the truth I have learned:
Words will hurt you. People will fail or disappoint you. At first, you may be tempted to shut yourself off from people in general, just to protect yourself from the pain they inflict. That only leads to more hurt and loneliness. No! Isolation is not the answer. You must learn to determine who's words you actually take to heart. Don’t listen to the girl who judges and gossips. I learned this the hard way; always worrying about what people are thinking, constantly filtering what I say so I don’t seem uncool. If this is you, if you are changing who you are, stop to think...are the people you are trying to please your actual friends?
Find friends who will build you up. Find friends who will love your true self. True friends don’t tear you down with their words. Although it might be, and will be, lonely, it is better to have one or two true friends than ten who leave you dejected after you’re with them. The relationship and memories you will have with that one true friend will stay with you forever.
One event comes to mind as I write this. It was a small moment, trivial in the grand scheme of things, but I still remember it as if it was yesterday. It was a summer evening almost five years ago. A friend and I were on a tire swing over the salty water of the Puget Sound. It was so much fun, dangling over the barnacle-encrusted rocks. I can still picture the dazzling color palette of oranges and yellows as the sun sank below the water’s surface. The whole day was pure happiness, pure friendship. I left feeling truly joyful and light. I wasn’t burdened about what she might think of me. I wasn’t worried of saying something stupid. It was only us and we had the best time ever. So think to yourself, what's better? Looking back at the crazy, lively things you did with your friend or remembering the events you left feeling worthless and not good enough.
It is easy to believe the lie that self-value is found through others admiration and comments. Social medias’ “like” button is just one of the avenues propagating this lie. All these things lead you down a path of fleeting joy and eventually to dissatisfaction and hurt. But self-worth should not be found through how many liked your latest post. Your value isn't based on what other people think about you. Your self-value should be based on the one truth that matters: God's love.
People act in certain ways to find the favor of man. They change who they are to be accepted by those fickle in their views and hollow in their words. Chasing after others' validation is like chasing a feather on the wind. It flits around, always just out of reach. Right when you think you can grasp it, the wind changes and it floats farther. Our value is found in being God's children. He values us because He created us, because He loves us, and died to save us.
But why do words hurt so much? Why does someone's view affect us in negative ways? Their critical words may cause us to devalue ourselves. Of course, there might be truth in someone's words and it is good to weigh them in order to improve, but don't take it so far as to change who you are based on their preferences. If you do change, be sure it is always and only for the better, and not to win the approval of your peers. The world can hold its empty opinions about you, but, in the end, that evaluation doesn't matter. All that matters is God's view of your heart. Showing kindness, being loving; those are the actions that matter.
"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Words do hurt. But you must have judgment on whose words you take to heart. You can't stop sticks or stones from hurting you, but you can stop words.
Words lose their shock-value when you stop wrapping your self-worth in its contents. Ideas change, trends change--the world is so inconstant, so unstable. If you base your self-worth on fickle friends, you will always be hurt and always find yourself longing for something unattainable. However, if you base yourself on something stable and constant, the words that used to hurt will no longer have any sting. You will no longer be weary from continually reinventing yourself just so you can fit into the molds of others.
I write this through tears, hoping these words of 16-year-old wisdom help you in whatever you are going through. This age is a difficult time. There are so many lessons to learn. People are tricky and deceptive and it is hard to find those who don't tear you down with their words. But those people are out there. If you push through, pray, and be patient, you are certain to find those who will build you up.
With love,
one who is learning hard lessons
Comments